The F Word

This week the intrepid internet dating guide, the self-styled Muslim Hitch, takes on household pressures and practical expectations in matchmaking as one Muslim. So We guarantee, there isn’t a swear term in sight…

We’ve all heard it – that dreaded word, one that begins and comes to an end to you willing to stick needles within eyes every time you’re known as it. Picture this: a nice friends and family get together, somebody else’s children are dropping their unique chicken supper everywhere Auntie Salma’s new sofa. Everybody close to you appears to be hitched, plus they tell you about most of the lovely, fluffy things they do as several, then grumble affectionately about their spouse having unnecessary shoes/not modifying the kitchen bulb that fused last Eid.

Then talk transforms for you.

Every pair, every auntie, nearly every uncle, might ask you this –”So, how come you have not found any person yet?” They then check out respond to the million dollar concern using their own impressive summary: “Would It Be because you are increasingly being as well…” – *dhum dhum dhuuuuum remarkable songs as digital camera zooms set for the second word* – “FUSSY?!

There really. Trumpeted aloud, like a punch with the tummy, a thorn in your side. I’m sure you’ve been through it – i’m your own discomfort. Its unpleasant to know specially when you know you have attempted your darnedest to fulfill potentials, giving folks you might never usually give the light of day chances. As well as this explanation, i wish to allow you to navigate the F word and advise on harm control. Here are a few comebacks which may show of use:

a)    have fun with the Islam card: “whenever Allah wills it, just then can it take place. Pray for me. Inshallah.”

b)    Throw it back in their unique court: “Well, you have to know someone for me personally? Assist a brother/sister out!”

c)    end up being a smart guy: “picking a life partner is like picking a beneficial fruit, it really is having myself time for you dig through all bad types.”

d)    take to the surprise element: “Oh i’m very sorry, I didn’t realise I should not end up being fussy regarding person i am meant to SLEEP WITH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.”

If this hasn’t helped, let me attempt another strategy. Below I supply an assess workout of two pages whom contacted me personally some years back – the most important from a mainstream site, plus the second from a Muslim website.

Non Muzza bloke no.1:

I am 32 in earth years, but older in wisdom and morality and younger in humour. A mix I like to phone ‘enigmatic’ but other people relate to as ‘simple’.
I enjoy chuckle, such as at myself personally, frequently.
I love spontaneity but require a sensible mind to utilize me in as I’m planning to swim inside deep, though You will find my personal supply floats.

I would like to satisfy somebody as contrary as myself.
And finally, I really like candy covered peanuts.

Muzza bloke No 2:

I want u 
are beside me In a nice Restaurent
for candle light dinner?. &
to express those sweet three terms to U

The 2nd left myself less questioning the F term as thinking the WTF term. Without a doubt, they are not all because bad as No.2, but I illustrate the idea making use of overhead since many singletons have explained that they’ve abadndoned finding a suitable Muslim partner as they cannot also include the fundamentals – just like the ability to cause. Very, becoming ‘fussy’ is not necessarily the concern. Without doubt it’s about having some self-esteem and a sense of self-worth. It is more about having requirements. Positive, potentials should always be provided chances, but not to the extent which you compromise a lot more than you ever believed might.

With that said, there clearly was a ‘however’. However, discover, I’m sorry to state, some individuals which deserve to get the F word placed on them. For instance, those aided by the immutable tick lists. Including: “He must be over 6 ft 4 in” (despite the fact that she actually is 5′ 1″); or: “She should be able to prepare like my mum and appear like Angelina Jolie.” Really, should you decide seem like the Muslim form of Ryan Gosling, you might be eligible to declare that, but let’s be honest, you are more prone to resemble the Muslim type of Peter Griffin.

But, the F word however sits uncomfortably. I suggest utilizing a less blackboard scraping phase, like – unrealistic expectations. The demands we apply another human being whenever we apply unreasonable expectations before meeting the individual, is only going to lead to discontent in a wedding. We have to embrace the great because of the poor, take and love them for who they really are, not really what you unrealistically want them to get. It is more about a finding best stability – controlling your expectations and looking for what is right for you. Or you can permit eHarmony embody the F phrase on your behalf, as they search through all of the oranges for your needs, handpicking much more suitable fits considering the character – something those matchmaking aunties of yore tended to sidestep and their ‘eva lovia biodata’ types.

Very to round down, next time you are called the F term, take center and don’t forget what is actually already been mentioned. Cannot decrease your standards, know your own well worth, but additionally cannot anticipate a Muslim Aishwarya Rai or a Muslim Henry Cavill with a top flying work (if you’ll pardon the pun), as your genuine knight in shining armour on a white steed could turn into a noble that officer in a Ford Fiesta.

Prefer, inshallah,

M. Hitch


muslim matchmaking